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I’m trying to get organized here, so bear with me.  Plus I just got back from the bar so I might not be quite as precise as usual, not that precision is all that important, at least not to me – the penumbra of precision, I would say – being much more interested in the value, the merit, the craft of the writing, the simple pleasure and delight in the words scattered on the page, not quite arbitrary but not entirely of aforethought, instead a casting of shadows against a wall, the shadow of a tree that we learn to be a tree, having so little to gauge our reality, cloaked in the incessant chatter on our ego, nattering on about anything we might think funny or amusing or serious or important, perhaps even so important as to be the key, the marvel, the wonder, the miracle of god itself, ever divine, casting the wretched, the depraved, the false voices of language, utterly and unscrupulously dangling participles, just as if in a lynching, swinging quietly from a branch, high in a tree, in a tree, high in a tree… with the gentle breeze, swinging…

 

 

Whoa!  That’s like super bad. 

 

As a close friend of mine once said “there is no problem that alcohol can’t make worse.”  Amen to that, my brothers and my sisters, camped by the Rivers of Babylon, where the lord reigns – whoever that is – where all things are sacred, where we gather, where we walk into the river, where we drink the water, the water of Babylon, until we are carried away, floating on the winds of the earth, the planet, the galaxy, the universe, rocking in the waves of a solar flare, spinning particles, spinning… spin…  hold on, I have to barf.

 

 

***

 

 

Sorry about that.  Now that I have sobered up a bit, I will get to the point.  I was reading about how humans mate and I still have some questions.  Some details are, like, super easy, but I get a little bogged down on the whole position thing.  In the illustrations, it looks like the couple are talking to each other, or maybe wrestling, I can’t tell.  In any event, definitely facing each other, which seems a bit odd to me.  I also looked it up in the Kama Sutra and that showed some pretty industrious positions, obviously requiring years of vigorous yoga as a prerequisite. I also checked a few websites – couldn’t help myself – and I definitely will not be trying the Brazilian Cartwheel.  So, if anyone has any suggestions, drop me a line through the website.  And don’t forget to check out the donations page.

 

Does anyone out there own a dog?  So, here’s the question.  What is the deal about dogs?  Why are they any different than, say, me?  I mean people are crazy about their dogs and all they get in return is a wagging tail.  What’s up with that?  This afternoon, as I was on my way to the bar, you won’t guess what I saw.  Some dog shitting on the sidewalk.  But here’s the amazing part: the dog’s companion, quick as a wink, scooped up the poop in a handy green plastic bag she had ready in her pocket.  Like maybe it was part of the dinner plans.  Am I missing something here?  Correct me if I’m wrong, but this all looked pretty intentional, like a part of the evening ritual.  Walk; poop; scoop it up; make dinner.  No one has been collecting my excrement as far as I can tell.

 

 

Okay, so that wasn’t really the point.  What I really wanted was to gather a few pointers on “the art of organization.”  My roommate is, like, out of control.  There is crap everywhere.  The dirty dishes are okay, no problem with that, but the rest is a problem.

 

I tried to clean up a bit this morning, you know, to do my part and all. I was able to move the old remote for the broken TV from the edge of the sofa, across the room into the trash can, that requiring I first construct a bridge of sorts, for which I used several empty paper towel rolls, cleverly tapped together using scotch tape from the drawer by the phone.  This I leaned up against the edge of the wastebasket and the wall with base solidly fixed to the floor using some gum I found on the edge of a plate.  A mere 2 hours of pushing, pulling and lifting and the remote fell solidly into the receptacle.  But by that time I was totally spent and in need of a drink.  (see above)

 

So that’s the problem.  I need to get the Bro on track.  Last night he tripped on a pair of boots on his way from the bathroom, striking his knee solidly on the edge of the coffee table, in response to which he uttered a few harsh words, loudly I would say, which was then punctuated by couple good thumps on the wall from his neighbor, either in congratulation or consternation, hard to tell.  Poor guy had to crawl to bed.  I will just say it: this place is hazardous.    

 

I’m looking for something that will get him excited about the whole concept, maybe something with the promise of reward for cleanliness, you know, like ‘hooking-up’ as they say at the bar. 

 

I found one book called The Feng Shui of Housekeeping but I really think it is over his head, poor guy.  What I need is something more along the lines of Housekeeping for Dummies or The Idiot’s Guide to Organization.  Have any of you seen something like that?  The 10 Easy Steps To a Life of Unfettered Beauty and Harmony?  How To Clean Your House and Get Laid in One Day?  The Simple Guide to Housekeeping, Power, Prosperity and Sexual Prowess for the Single Man?